This morning I went down to the local community college and changed my major. My advisor wasn't in, so I couldn't sign up for classes, but I am supposed to meet with her tomorrow afternoon for that. I was on the fence between a couple of choices on my major because I thought they didn't have exactly what I was interested in. I wanted to take a "connected" degree that would allow me to move to a 4 year institution for my B.A. after finishing the first two years at DelTech, and I knew I was interested in education. The two connected degree programs I was aware of were Math Secondary Ed. and Early Childhood Ed. (0-K), while I was really interested in Elementary Ed (1-6) or foreign language education at the secondary level.
I was a Math Ed. major before I switched to Visual Communications in a fit of stupidity. I am actually good at math. I got a C in Calculus I a couple of years ago, after 17 years without any math classes at all, and that was the REAL Calculus, not the business Calculus course that just requires you to memorize formulas. The problem is that I don't love math, and I realized that the last thing I wanted to do was take Calculus II or any of the math beyond that. But I was willing to do that if I had to in order to get a career started. I figured I could pick up, say, Spanish Ed. at a later date.
Then I found out that Early Childhood Ed was also a connected degree option. That seemed closer to what I was interested in. When I was setting up my appointment to talk to my advisor, I told them Early Childhood Ed. was most likely what I wanted to do, though I was still considering returning to the Math Ed.
So, I got there this morning and sat down and told the nice lady that I was interested in a connected degree and was looking at early childhood education, and she put two papers in front of me and began explaining whatwas available. She pushed one paper toward me and explained that I could go on to the University of Delaware, Delaware State University, or Wilmington College for my BA in early childhood ed, and that I could teach birth through Kindergarten if I chose either of the universities or through second grade if I went on to Wilmington College.
Then she moved on to the second paper and said they had another program for Elementary Ed. (grades 1-6). I couldn't believe it! She said most people were unaware that they had this program, and I told her that I was one of those unaware people. It doesn't transfer to the University of Delaware, but it does transfer to either DelState or Wilmington College. So, that's what I signed up for, and I left there overjoyed at having found this opportunity.
I stopped by where my husband works and gave him a big hug and told him about it. We stood outside and talked. He seemed a little down, but the hug made him smile. The weather is perfect, I am really excited about school, and things really are ok for the moment, and I wanted him to be as happy as I am today. I did a little twirl there in the parking lot and sang "The hills are alive with the sound of music," and he laughed and told me I was a goofball. It was good to hear him laugh.
My mom just called. I have a shirt and a bowl that I borrowed from her, and we're going exchange rice-- I bought a large quantity of jasmine rice and she bought a large quantity of basmati rice, so we're going to trade a little rice.
I posted recently about "An Overdue Apology". Well, the guy in question called me on the phone last week to apologize again. I am afraid I was a little rude to him. Apparently he's wanted to get this off his chest for years, but I have spent all those years coming to terms with stuff that happened, and learning to live with it, so calling me to apologize again just made those old wounds hurt again. I laid in bed that night, snuggling my baby and crying for the babies that I loved and didn't meet. I hope he feels better now and will just stay away from me so that I can get on with being ok.
I can't fix the past. I can only make peace with it. But that's a fragile cease-fire at best, made possible only by my desire to look forward and let the past stay in the past, where it belongs. I certainly don't need anyone calling me back there to the time that broke me into a million jagged pieces when I finally have most of my pieces glued back in place.