Thursday, June 23, 2005

Long Time, No Post

I posted about the birth of my daughter over on Little Critter Chronicles. That was just three days after my last post here. Since then, I've been battling back major depression and trying to keep myself from collapsing into a puddle of human goo. Most days, I am winning. Some days... the victory isn't so clear cut.

We seem to have serious marital problems one day, and then everything is ok the next day. But one night when we were fighting, my husband said he didn't know if he loved me anymore, and since then I've been waiting for him to tell me he really does, but I am starting to think that holding my breath for it wasn't such a good idea. Then this morning, he put an arm over me while we were in bed, and that felt so good, but I don't know if it means anything.

Actually, I think all this nailbiting over what was probably just an angry offhand comment means something. It means I've completely taken leave of my senses. What good does it do to wander around worrying about things like that which I cannot really change or fix, when I have so many other important things to do and worry about otherwise?

In other news, I've been offered a job, but I am not sure what's going on with that right now. I am waiting for them to call me to finish my pre-employment paperwork. I did the drug test and criminal background legwork a couple of weeks ago, but I haven't heard anything. I called last Friday and they told me they hadn't gotten that stuff back yet. Now it's been almost another whole week. I have no idea what's going on. It's a food service job at a state-run nursing home. The pay isn't great and I'm not all that keen on food service, but it will keep us in this house, and that's all that matters.

I'm having one of those not-so-clear-cut days, so I think I am going to turn off the computer and go do some housework. If I am going to be miserable anyway, I might as well clean.