Thursday, February 19, 2004

My mom found some Yogalates DVDs in a bargain bin while she was out shopping recently, so she bought one for herself and one for me. While I generally hate any sort of physical activity that doesn't involve an orgasm, I have found that I actually like this workout. I mean, I have actually done it more than once, which puts it head-and-shoulders above the rest of my exercise media collection.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

My husband got a call for an interview next week. It is essentially a security guard job. It's not the job he wanted, but it is gainful employment, and we've reached the point that a job-- any job-- is good enough. I sure hope he gets it.

I have been on a Net binge tonight. I am not usually allowed to sit here all night, but since he's off working, I have enjoyed the chance to surf and chat in peace.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Winter dresses in grey here. When I was younger, I thought the bland greys of winter were ugly, a thing to be endured until the Earth turned her colors back on. These days, I adore the winter landscapes of my home region. I see beautiful lines and textures, and even colors, in the bare neutrality of the trees and the tan stubbled grey fields, and in last years pale reeds standing guard over the low spots. It's a subtle beauty. And that is why I missed it before.

When I was younger, I didn't notice subtle things, and I didn't produce subtle things. My cooking was overseasoned and poorly executed. My writings and my artwork strained under the weight of trying to be more than they were. My relationships were based on whatever grabbed me first about the person I was with. There was little depth to my thought, and everything I touched came out badly.

A little while ago, I was looking out the back window, looking between the houses, watching the light fade against the trees in the distance, and that is what inspired me to say these things now. I realize it is a bit out of the normal tone of this blog, but I didn't have anyone else to say it to.

Monday, February 16, 2004

I got a call today about doing some web design work, including finding the hosting, etc. I jumped on the opportunity with both hands and feet. I plan on sending kids to bed and working up my proposal tonight.

Not long after I got that call, my husband got a call about doing a one-night stint running some cable at a local restaurant for $16/hr. What a nice bonus!

I hope that this means that our financial tides are starting to shift. We could really use a break! Things have been stagnant and stinking in that department for a while now.

I am going to open a Caf├ęPress shop to sell some of my artwork and stuff on T-shirts. I don't imagine that I am going to make a lot of money that way, but I think it will be fun. I may open a second Caf├ęPress shop with RPG themed merchandise as well, depending on how much fun I have setting up the first one.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

The last few days have been absolutely surreal. My mom keeps calling and coming over, and yet she says nothing useful. My husband came unhinged on Friday and locked himself into the bathroom for a few hours. Kids were good tonight, but they were like wild animals for a few days there. I was really sick for a couple of days, in so much pain that it made me cry. It was like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. But it could have been worse.

Is it wrong for me to take consolation in the fact that I know people with lives more fucked up than mine?

Last July, my brother-in-law got married. It was a $30,000 wedding. He and his bride were on the full-color, glossy cover of the local newspaper's bridal insert. They had been living with his new in-laws while their new $170,000 house was being built. They finally went to settlement on the new house and moved in... and his new wife moved out two days later. Her parents made her go back, and two days later, she left again. Moving away from her parents was too big a change for her. Now she wants a divorce. All I can say about that is WTF??! To just make things more complicated, allow me to mention that the bride brought a little girl with her into the marriage. I wonder if she's not just a bit confused about what the hell is going on with her mom and her new dad.

We're only having financial problems. We've still got each other, and we have our health, such as it is. It seems not-so-very-bad now.