Bread Pudding That Doesn't Suck

I am rather torn about whether to call this "bread pudding" or "french toast casserole". My kids seem more enthusiastic about it when I use the latter name. Anyway, this is possibly the simplest version you'll find anywhere. I made it up after reading a lot of other recipes. I consider the flavoring parts to all be flexible-- if you want more vanilla extract and less sugar, go for it. The result should be edible, and eating your mistakes is the best part of practicing at making desserts.

10 slices or so of white bread. Stale bread is just as good or better.
6 eggs
3 cups of milk (I don't bother to scald it, as some recipes suggest)
2/3 cup sugar (+/-, to taste. I've used as little as 1/2 cup and as much as 1 cup)
1/2 tsp salt
1 or 2 tsp vanilla extract.
healthy dash of cinnamon (to taste)
light dash of ground cloves (to taste)

Raisins might be good in this, but the aforementioned kids don't like raisins.

Preheat your oven to about 375F. I live at sea level, and my oven tends to run a little hot, so you may need to adjust.

The last time I made this, I made it in a 9x13 shallow baking dish. Rip up the bread and put it in the dish. Get out a nice, big mixing bowl and beat your eggs in it. Add the milk and beat that in too. To that, add the sugar, the salt, the vanilla, and the spices. Mix and mix some more. Then pour it over the bread. Feel free to push the bread around with a fork to make sure your mixture gets everywhere and soaks all the bread.

Bake for 20-30 minutes. You don't want any runny egg mixture, but you don't want it to dry out either. The last time I made this, I did put a roasting pan of water on the bottom rack of the oven, below the pudding, but I've done it without that before also. I'm not sure if it made a difference. More experimenting needed. ;)

Why cloves and not nutmeg, you ask? (A) I ran out of nutmeg quite some time ago and keep forgetting to get more, and (B) I like cloves better.

Tuesday! w00t!

I am making some effort to maintain my blogs today. I posted a new pregnancy update entry over on Little Critter Chronicles, I made some small changes to the templates of both blogs, and I updated my profile.

I've changed my username to Meep, just because it is a cute word. I am out of my dark phase, and back to being my normal, sunny self, so it seemed like a good time to give up being Prisoner #87146754. I'm not quite out of the Oubliette yet, though. I still feel like I am at the bottom of a hole with little possibility of escape, as far as my overall life situation.

I know I need to adopt a better attitude about things, but I just keep making one stupid blunder after another. Some of the things I have done have been good, but then I do something dumb like drop out of school and quit my job in the same week. WTF was I thinking?!?! That's something I have yet to even begin to repair.

I don't regret getting pregnant, but it might have been nice if I had put a little thought into planning for the baby and related downtime before the last two months of my pregnancy. Again, WTF was I thinking?!?! I was living for the moment rather than in the moment, I guess. Such a pity I didn't see the difference at the time.

I just wish I had someone else to blame for me being such an idiot. I used to blame my parents, but I'm 34 years old, for goodness' sake. I'm pretty sure that every moronic thing I've done for at least the last 10 years has been entirely on my own, without any need for outside influence.

There's not much I can do but pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back in the saddle. I am starting to feel like I can do that, so maybe there is some hope for me yet. I have a couple of subversive friends that have been encouraging me to believe that I deserve to be happy, and I am actually starting to believe that happiness is possible and I might even deserve it too.

That makes it seem as if I am not happy now. I am happy a lot of the time. This is a failing of the language. It doesn't distinguish between transient "feel good now" happiness, and happiness as a state of being. I imagine that "contentment" could be used for the latter, but I hear satisfaction and even complacency in that word, while I am looking for a word to describe a more open, active, and expansive approach to life. I will have to meditate on it, until I know the word I am looking for.

In any case, I think my next constructed language project will make that distinction right from the beginning, and not just for happiness or contentment, but for any emotional state that can become a basic personality trait or way of life.

They call me "Dances With Skillets"

I've been too pregnant and/or too lazy to do much cooking lately. I've made my standard macaroni and cheese a few times, but nothing more complicated than that. Lots of one-skillet-wonders lately-- sloppy joes, omelets, quick fried chicken (boneless, skinless breast cut into small pieces to fry), and so on. Tonight is going to be a leftover night.

Yum! Leftovers! I know there will be some turkey and some spaghetti sauce on the Second Chance Buffet tonight.

I'm craving sweets, so I think I will make some dessert too. I've got some tapioca I could turn into pudding, and a box of cake mix. But I am craving bread pudding, I think. I think we still even have some vanilla ice cream, which would be really good on top of a nice, warm bread pudding.

I hated bread pudding when I was a kid. And custard too. I guess I had to grow up to appreciate egg-heavy desserts.

My husband says that I have a 2-track mind because I'm always thinking about sex or food. I suspect there's some truth in that little jest. I spent much of the day on track 1, and now I'm running down track 2 toward dinnertime.

I may derail for a while, though, since there are a few non-sex, non-food related things I need to take care of. Laundry must be done! But I suppose I could do laundry without thinking about it too much. I could think about having sex in a vat of strawberry jello while I stuff dirty towels and socks into the washing machine.

Mmmm... strawberry.

Music/Sex, and Baby Links

****This first section is probably TMI****

I have come to the conclusion that auditory stimulation is necessary for me to really enjoy sex. I like to *hear* my partner and the various sounds bodies make when intimately engaged. At the same time, having music playing in the same room is a bad, bad thing. It's as if I can only experience one auditory sensation at a time, and the music always wins. Even if it music that I can't stand.

Music is a different sensation, and I forget what I was doing in bed if there's music playing where I can hear it. Heaven forbid there be other people talking where I can hear, or, worse yet, people speaking some interesting and exotic language... Then it is all over.

It might be nice if I had a more talkative partner in bed to help me stay focused on him and what he's doing, but the husband says he doesn't know what to say and he always feels silly saying anything. I mean, with me, he could say just about anything and it would be better than nothing... Oh, well.

****OK, that's enough about my ever-so-personal life****

As I've mentioned before, we're expecting a baby this spring. I've been cruising the web, looking at parenting and baby sites a lot, as a result.

I've got an interest in "babywearing" (i.e. carrying the little critter around), so I have been looking at sites related to that, and related to making the various sorts of carriers myself. Here's a couple of links in that direction: Mamatoto and Rev. Jan's.

I also found a little site on raising bilingual children: bilingualbabies.org, which I guess is a sort of extension of the Multilingual Babies forum over on BabyCenter.

And on a non-baby related note...

I added the latest edition of the Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook to my wishlist over at amazon.com, but until someone decides to buy that for me, allrecipes.com remains my best friend. As far as the cookbook on my wishlist, I've got a 1986 or 87 paperback edition falling apart in my kitchen, and my mom has a much older, much used ringbound edition that I've used from time to time. It's a really good "how do I make regular food" cookbook, in either edition.

I need to go make some dinner now. I am making nachos tonight. Chips, taco meat, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, black olives, sour cream, guacamole, and salsa. Yum.

I'm going to have heartburn sooo bad tonight.

Does this even need a title?

I've been posting occasional updates on my pregnancy over on my OTHER blog. Today, I posted a belly pic from last week and a pic from the ultrasound I had in December.

I've been well distracted lately, trying to work out some things in my head. I'm getting obsessive about one or two things that I have no reason to obsess about... which I won't discuss right here, right now, since they are of a personal, sexual nature.

Count Down to Tenth Anniversary

Counting down to our tenth anniversary!

We got married in 1995. Now it is 2005.

All I can say is that I'd better get an anniversary party this year. I had this idea for a party in mind for several years, but my party planning was thrown to the wind by the pregnancy. Planning for the baby was the easy pick for my top priority. I might have time to throw something together yet. I was thinking maybe something with catering, a DJ, and dancing, but now I am thinking that a nice barbecue at the beach might be more fun, especially for all the kids.

In any case, we both deserve a party for putting up with each other for all these years. Neither of us is particularly easy to live with.

Whine whine

It's a lot easier for me to write when I have been doing something interesting, or when I have things to complain about. I've been thinking about a lot of things, though, and even thinking about writing on those topics. But those are mostly topics best kept to myself, so they won't be here.

It's not that I don't have things to complain about. I just don't have the energy or the inclination to even complain right now. That's sad, isn't it?

I could complain about my son's girlfriend and her mother. I had said that he couldn't go over to her house this weekend, and he certainly couldn't spend the night here. I told the girl's mother this when she stopped by while my son wasn't even home. They left, and came back when they saw my husband get home with my son, and my son ended up going over there. He's been there all weekend, and the more I think about it, the more pissed off I am getting. First of all, the kid is 15. He doesn't need to be spending the night at his girlfriend's house. And his girlfriend is only 13, for goodness' sake.

They aren't getting any kind of supervision over there. My husband dropped by there yesterday to offer my son the opportunity to go to work with him to earn some cash, and the two of them had locked themselves in this girl's room. I think her mother is either stupid, or is hoping that her daughter will get pregnant and end up living with us. For a while there, she had been in the habit of dropping this girl off and leaving her at our house for days with no way to reach her.

Ok, so this is bad, and we should just go get him and put an end to this. I agree. What's really steaming my clams is that I said no, my husband said yes, and then he turned around and blamed ME for the kid being over there.

WTF?!

See, I told you I could find something to complain about.

I am going to have to break out the Bitch-Enforcer costume when my son gets home from work. This crap ends now. First of all, it is just wrong, and it is a sure path to trouble. Second of all, he skipped out on his brother's birthday, and that sucks. And third of all, I told him no. I told her no. Which part of NO is so f'ing hard to understand?!

Afternoon

I seriously need a nap. It's a side effect of being pregnant, I am afraid. I get sleepy in the afternoon. I have some things I need to do before I can take a nap. I have some rented movies to return, mainly. And I should probably make dinner.

I put some salsa on to try to wake me up, but I am afraid the music isn't working. I guess I should just do what I have to do so I can have a little nap and get back down here to do something productive this evening.

Return!

I haven't posted in a long time because we didn't have internet access for a long time, but here I am now. The big news since I last wrote is that I am pregnant. Actually, I was pregnant when I last wrote, but I didn't know it. Our baby is due April 29. It looks like it is going to be a girl. We're very happy. :)

More later... I've got a kid hanging on me, waiting to play games over at cartoonnetwork.com.

A couple of little things...

Last night I was looking for a simple recipe for a basic bread pudding, so I went over to allrecipes.com (quite a good site for finding basic dishes and variations thereon, btw), where something in a sidebar caught my attention, and a couple of clicks later, I was over at this recipe for Pullum Frontonianum, which started me thinking about old school cooking-- even more old school than all those aspic dishes in my Grandmom's 1970 edition of the Betty Crocker Cookbook.

Gode Cookery (Medieval and Rennaisance Cooking)
Antique Roman Dishes (Just what it says. Some odd wording here and there since the webpage author translated the recipes from the German translation into English.)

I did make bread pudding, in case you were wondering. I found a very simple recipe and made it even simpler. Actually, it came closer to a french toast casserole, and I think syrup would have been a lovely topping for it. I will have to post my version sometime soon.

Gingersnaps That Don't Suck

Cream 3/4 cup shortening [I used butter-flavored Crisco because that's what I had], 1 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup molasses, and 1 egg till fluffy.

Sift together 1-1/4 cup sifted all-purpose flour, 2 teaspoons baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon ground ginger, 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, and 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves; stir into molasses mixture.

Form into small balls. Roll in granulated sugar [I used demerara sugar for this because I like the look/texture of the larger crystals]; place 2 inches apart on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for 12 minutes [10 minutes was sufficient in my oven; at 12, the sugar started to burn.]

***

This recipe is from the 1986 edition of the Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book.

Bits and Pieces

First, I want to leave myself a note pointing me toward a couple of blogs: MMORPG Madness and SAB Information Center.

I'd bookmark them, but my bookmarks are already an unruly forest with thick undergrowth without adding to the mess. It may be time to archive my current bookmarks and start a new list.

Second, the daily update: Things are OK today. We're hanging in there. I feel pretty good. I've decided to do at least one thing a week that makes me happy, without any regard for whether or not other people approve. I want to do a lot more walking, hiking, and exploring, mostly. I don't know why I haven't been going out there and doing those things. They don't really cost anything, and I can do those things by myself. In fact, those things might actually be more fun for me when they come with a little solitude on the side.

In other news....

I finally figured out how to use saifun (cellophane noodles) to good advantage with stir fry. WooT! Up until this past week, all I managed to do was make a big flavorless mass with that stuff, despite my best efforts.

I also bought 3 pounds of econo-bacon, which was a mistake. It's not really sliced so much as it is randomly hacked into pieces, half of which are only fat, and the other half of which are completely lean. It didn't work out very well for eating on BLTs. I see baked beans and bean soup in our future.

I got some avocados and guacamole mix cheap from the Evil Empire... I mean, Wal-Mart. Yum.

And another week goes by...

Well, this week ended on an upswing. I think we're going to be allright. A sales job came along. It's got potential to hold us until something better comes along. I hope so, anyway.

My mother is making me crazy. She can't let me live my life, learn my lessons, and get on with things. She has to call me every day to tell me what I should be doing, even if I have already done those things on my own, or if they aren't really in my best interest. It's driving her crazy that she can't actually control me and that she can't get in there and do it all herself, so I guess it is fair, in some respect, that she's making me crazy.

I snapped at my poor husband a few minutes ago because I was typing away over here and he asked four times where the remote was. I guess I was expected to be looking for it, but I didn't, and I still don't know where the remote is.

I should stop using this as my personal whining page and quit my virtual drama queen shrieking. I just don't really express these things in real life. I say them here so that I can smile and nod in real life without feeling like I never get to have my say.

The Weekend Update

I need to start updating this a little more often. I don't actually have an audience, but if I did, I think they'd prefer to see new material more often.

I was just updating my little cafepress shop. I added a journal to the collection, featuring a drawing I did while watching TV the other night. It's funny what my hands will do while my brain isn't paying attention. I haven't really promoted the shop at all, so I haven't sold anything, but maybe someday, someone will stumble upon it and purchase something.

Come to think of it, I haven't promoted this blog, or my other ones, either, so it is no surprise that I don't have an audience. Advertising pays, I guess.

The job hunt goes on. Things aren't going as well as I had hoped, but there are still some prospects out there. I am just tired and disheartened. I am not sure where to go from here, and our time is running short. We've basically got two weeks to get it together, or that's the end of the road for us, as a family and a household. That's kind of a long story, I guess...

I have been taking my recent boredom and frustration out on the forums at berserker.org. I am not going to mention to them that I quit playing EverQuest for good earlier this week. The husband and I had another fight over the stupid game, and we decided that we didn't want to go through that kind of crap anymore. It's not worth having a silly game come between us. But that hasn't stopped me from getting on other people's nerves over there.

Another Crappy Week in Paradise

Aside from a near-brush with being an RV salesman, my husband had no luck on the job hunt this week. I didn't even have a near-brush, so I have nothing to say about that.

He had an interview at the RV place, with an interview for a far better state job scheduled for the next morning. The RV place told him that they were going to have training starting the next morning, and he couldn't be late or miss any of the three days, for any reason. So he didn't go to the training, he went to the interview.

The state people were supposed to make a decision before the end of the week, and here it is, without a word from them. I think it's a pretty sure bet that he didn't get that job either. He must suck at interviewing or something.

Lots of restaurants are looking for people. I think I will give that a try. It will still put me in contact with the general public, in a position to get pissed on by every asshat who is having a bad day, but maybe I can do it for a little while before I freak out and go postal.

I guess I should get out of here and make a last ditch effort to save our asses before the weekend.

Catching up

Being depressed doesn't go well with blogging for me. I can maintain a certain level bitchiness and complain endlessly through the keyboard, but depression is a silent, wordless state for me. I reach a point where I am too down to type. I get so far down that I don't even have it in me to complain.

You know those keychains with scorpions encased in acrylic? That's what depression feels like. I am that scorpion, wrapped up, suffocated and paralyzed in a clear case of depression. Only depression is a little more transparent than acrylic, a little harder for others to see. They might see the signs of it, and feel around the edges, but it is hard for them to judge how deep I am inside it.

We had a miscarriage. I woke up early on July 8, our anniversary, to a crampy, clumpy, bloody mess. That went on for a few days.

And then there were the other things-- the job interviews that didn't pan out, the creditors on our backs being a pain in the ass, my mother trying to drag me into a dispute between my brothers, the kids acting like their brains fell out.

It's not been good.

My husband is off at a job interview right now. This job would be super-sweet. I am trying to believe that he'll get it in the hopes that somehow, magically, my belief will make it true. I want it to be true. It has to be. This is the best opportunity we've had come along in a good long while.

At the same time, things seem so bleak right now that I am afraid to hope, because if my hopes are dashed again, I may fall back into that deep, silent, suffocating darkness.

The Daily Bitch

Last Thursday, I picked up the power bill off the counter and said, calmly, that our disconnect date had just passed. I was told that I shouldn't read the mail because I "always worry too much."

Fast forward to this morning, when the person who accused me of worrying too much was just about to print his resume when, SURPRISE!, the lights went out.

Ah, yep. There was nothing to worry about there.

That bill has been paid now. The lights are back on. I am just wondering how much good that's going to do us when the mortgage company decides to foreclose on us. That is, as I understand it, something else I shouldn't worry about.

GRAH!

I had a dream...

Last night, I had a dream that I was sitting under a tree with a cup of milk and a plate of cookies. I was happy. Then a bird flew over and pooped in my milk.

I can't even catch a break in my dreams.

Where was I? Oh, yes...

As you might have guessed from that last post, I'm pregnant. My husband had guessed as much from my late period and obvious symptoms, but I was in denial until I gave in and took a home pregnancy test on Friday morning. I had been nauseous all Thursday night, and my breasts have been very sore, so I figured he might be right, but I was still shocked to see a positive test result.

Now that I am over the shock, I am mostly happy. I am a little scared because I have a history of miscarriages and we're still in dire straits financially. The latter problem may resolve itself soon, since my husband seems to have been kicked into gear to get himself employed now that he's going to be a papa all over again. There's not much I can do about the potential miscarriage problem except to wait and see. I really don't want to get my hopes up too much right now at a mere 5 weeks, only to have them crushed in the next couple of months.

I had gotten a job at a shoe store in the mall, but it was a disaster of monumental proportions. I freaked out and cried at work. I just can't handle dealing with the public. I really, really miss my old job at RGIS. It sucked, but it didn't suck as much as being unemployed or selling shoes.

Ah, yes. It has been so long since I last wrote that many things have transpired. There was, for example, the mess with Dixon Valve. This company called my husband and told him he had a job, and then when he drove over there for the pre-employment drug test, they told him that there was a mix-up and they could only offer him a fraction of what they'd told him and he'd have to wait to hear from human resources about it. So they sent him home. Then they called him and said that there was a miscommunication and he didn't have a job. So, he drove 70 miles (round trip) when gas was at its most expensive for nothing at all.

No, it was worse than nothing at all. Nothing is nothing. That whole mess was something. It was something sucky and horrible.

So, anyway, that's pretty typical of how things have been since I last wrote. Life keeps dangling carrots in front of our noses, then snatching them away and beating us with a stick. I figure that's one reason why the miscarriage thing has me good and spooked. I figure it would be our luck for this baby to go Dixon Valve on us.

I am not going to clutter up this blog with my pregnancy-related ramblings. I will start another blog just for all that. This one will just go back to all my usual whining.