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Kaida Anenokoji

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Céline Galland

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Lokelani Kiele

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Vivienne Leota

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Grainne O'Brien

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The calendar says I am 34, but...

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I can live with that. I am not sure I agree, but I can live with it.

Why?

Why do I always start dialing my own phone number when I try to call someone else?

E.T. phone home! And so do I... Except that the phone is always busy when I try to call me.

The First Day of Ramadan

Today is the first day of fasting for Ramadan for Muslims in North America. I realize that doesn't matter a whole hell of a lot to other people, but I thought I would mention it. If your Muslim co-worker is getting a little testy with you come 3pm, try to be sympathetic and don't offer him a Snickers.

I am sick. I am feeling a little better than yesterday, but that just means I have gone from feeling like shit to feeling like crap. I still have wall-to-wall chest congestion.

Bleh.

I have got a lot on my plate today and tomorrow. After that is a four day weekend, and I have little hope of getting anything done with the kids running around. Two of the six may be leaving Friday night with the ex, but that's not much help. Those are 2 of the three oldest, and the three youngest are the difficult ones. Those three feel like six.

So, what's on my plate? Laundry. TONS of laundry. General housecleaning. Job hunting. Rearranging my various websites and starting a complete overhaul on at least one. And then there's dinner and kids' homework and the neverending demands of a 5-month-old. Somewhere in there, I need to go to the store for groceries and diapers.

I plan on creating a couple of more blogs. I want to move my Jaaje blog off of angelfire, and perhaps create another blog for language sketches and other language-related thoughts. But, on the other hand, I don't want to spread myself too thin, either, so maybe I'll bring all my linguistic nonsense here.

New sales today at the closest grocery store. I guess I'll go see if they have anything good. Last week I got a nice salmon fillet that I broiled with salt, pepper, and a little fresh lime juice. Yum.

My Unitarian Jihad Name...

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Sister Broadsword of Looking at All Sides of the Question.

Get yours.

If you know me, you know how well that fits. *snicker*

I haven't done this in a while...

My pirate name is:

Mad Charity Bonney

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

You know who I am!

So, I add some Google ads here, in the hopes of offsetting the cost of broadband, and what does Google think would go well with my content? Nelly, Snoop Dogg MP3, Hip Hop, and Rap Vinyl...

LOL.

I mean.. REALLY laughing out loud.

I'm secretly a Hip Hop Goddess. That's my superhero identity. How did they find out?!

Amere's Secret Identity

Amere has a little secret... (link to image...)

That's my husband, by the way. The black-haired chick with her back to you is me as my Alliance alter ego, Janiela... We don't play WoW anymore, but I thought I'd just illustrate the point. He plays a chick in EQ too, which is what we're back to doing.

Holy Burning Lips, Batman!

I had gotten some hot peppers out of the "hot variety" bin-- 2 red cherry-type peppers, a big yellow one, and a long, crinkly green one. I didn't use them as I had originally intended, and they were starting to look a little sad on my counter, so I minced them up today, in a bowl with half an onion and some garlic (both minced as well), and some little bits of sun dried tomatoes. I was going to put some dried cilantro in there, but I can't find it for the life of me, even though I just used it last night. I thought I might squeeze a lime on it too, but I'll have to get one from the store. So, the pepper mix is in the fridge, chilling out til I get back to it.

I licked one of my fingers after chopping the peppers. Yep. They are hot. They certainly are.

My youngest, my daughter, nearly 5 months old now, scooted herself under my desk and ate the first page of one of my recent constructed language projects, which I was using as a source of vocabulary for Jaaje. In the amount of time it took me to get her a bottle, no less. She's going to be something. She's very mobile for a baby who hasn't learned to crawl yet, and she's got an uncanny knack for ending up strange places, getting into stuff not meant for her.

I need to go to the store now. I need to shop for the week, but I'm having a terrible time making my list. I should probably eat something before I go, or I'll come home with a cart full of Twinkies and Pepsi. I buy crap food when I am hungry.

Long Time, No Post

I posted about the birth of my daughter over on Little Critter Chronicles. That was just three days after my last post here. Since then, I've been battling back major depression and trying to keep myself from collapsing into a puddle of human goo. Most days, I am winning. Some days... the victory isn't so clear cut.

We seem to have serious marital problems one day, and then everything is ok the next day. But one night when we were fighting, my husband said he didn't know if he loved me anymore, and since then I've been waiting for him to tell me he really does, but I am starting to think that holding my breath for it wasn't such a good idea. Then this morning, he put an arm over me while we were in bed, and that felt so good, but I don't know if it means anything.

Actually, I think all this nailbiting over what was probably just an angry offhand comment means something. It means I've completely taken leave of my senses. What good does it do to wander around worrying about things like that which I cannot really change or fix, when I have so many other important things to do and worry about otherwise?

In other news, I've been offered a job, but I am not sure what's going on with that right now. I am waiting for them to call me to finish my pre-employment paperwork. I did the drug test and criminal background legwork a couple of weeks ago, but I haven't heard anything. I called last Friday and they told me they hadn't gotten that stuff back yet. Now it's been almost another whole week. I have no idea what's going on. It's a food service job at a state-run nursing home. The pay isn't great and I'm not all that keen on food service, but it will keep us in this house, and that's all that matters.

I'm having one of those not-so-clear-cut days, so I think I am going to turn off the computer and go do some housework. If I am going to be miserable anyway, I might as well clean.

Food. birth.

I made another batch of bread pudding a few nights ago, this time with apples and a little ginger added. It was pretty good, but definitely a fall/winter dish. Some foods have more appeal when it is cold and getting colder, and less appeal when it is warm and moving on toward hot.

My next dessert is going to be a simple one, more suitable for spring/summer-- banana pudding. It's on the menu for Sunday.

A few weeks ago, my life became somewhat easier in the evenings when I made up a calendar with a month's worth of dinners pre-scheduled on it. Between being in my last weeks of pregnancy, and the usual evening chaos, I reached a point where I was pretty exhausted and completely frazzled at dinner time, and had a hard time figuring out what I had in stock, much less what I was going to make for dinner. Now I can just look at the calendar, and know what I have and how I am going to cook it. It also helps to remind me to take things out of the freezer to thaw before I start cooking.

My 6-year-old daughter was very excited about the purchase of charcoal yesterday. She says she likes grilled meat, but not grilled hot dogs. Considering how picky she's been about any sort of marks on her food, I think this is a positive development. She's starting to get a little more adventurous with her eating habits.

I've got barbecue chicken on the menu for Saturday and steaks to grill on Sunday. I am looking forward to it, but I wonder if I will be here for it, or if my weekend plans will be scuttled by giving birth. Of course, if I give birth, the rest of the family will likely be eating at my mom's and I'll be eating at the hospital. The grill will still be there when I get home.

I was having all sorts of contractions last night. They got pretty strong. I was sleeping between them, but from the time I went to bed until 4am, they were strong enough to wake me up when they happened. This morning... nothing. I was hoping that today would be the day.

Tomorrow is right out. First, it is already the birthday of my mom and my sister-in-law. And my husband will be working in Philadelphia, not immediately available if I go into labor, also. Anyway, I've just about given up hope of giving birth in April at all. Maybe I've have the baby in time for Mother's Day.

Bread Pudding That Doesn't Suck

I am rather torn about whether to call this "bread pudding" or "french toast casserole". My kids seem more enthusiastic about it when I use the latter name. Anyway, this is possibly the simplest version you'll find anywhere. I made it up after reading a lot of other recipes. I consider the flavoring parts to all be flexible-- if you want more vanilla extract and less sugar, go for it. The result should be edible, and eating your mistakes is the best part of practicing at making desserts.

10 slices or so of white bread. Stale bread is just as good or better.
6 eggs
3 cups of milk (I don't bother to scald it, as some recipes suggest)
2/3 cup sugar (+/-, to taste. I've used as little as 1/2 cup and as much as 1 cup)
1/2 tsp salt
1 or 2 tsp vanilla extract.
healthy dash of cinnamon (to taste)
light dash of ground cloves (to taste)

Raisins might be good in this, but the aforementioned kids don't like raisins.

Preheat your oven to about 375F. I live at sea level, and my oven tends to run a little hot, so you may need to adjust.

The last time I made this, I made it in a 9x13 shallow baking dish. Rip up the bread and put it in the dish. Get out a nice, big mixing bowl and beat your eggs in it. Add the milk and beat that in too. To that, add the sugar, the salt, the vanilla, and the spices. Mix and mix some more. Then pour it over the bread. Feel free to push the bread around with a fork to make sure your mixture gets everywhere and soaks all the bread.

Bake for 20-30 minutes. You don't want any runny egg mixture, but you don't want it to dry out either. The last time I made this, I did put a roasting pan of water on the bottom rack of the oven, below the pudding, but I've done it without that before also. I'm not sure if it made a difference. More experimenting needed. ;)

Why cloves and not nutmeg, you ask? (A) I ran out of nutmeg quite some time ago and keep forgetting to get more, and (B) I like cloves better.

Tuesday! w00t!

I am making some effort to maintain my blogs today. I posted a new pregnancy update entry over on Little Critter Chronicles, I made some small changes to the templates of both blogs, and I updated my profile.

I've changed my username to Meep, just because it is a cute word. I am out of my dark phase, and back to being my normal, sunny self, so it seemed like a good time to give up being Prisoner #87146754. I'm not quite out of the Oubliette yet, though. I still feel like I am at the bottom of a hole with little possibility of escape, as far as my overall life situation.

I know I need to adopt a better attitude about things, but I just keep making one stupid blunder after another. Some of the things I have done have been good, but then I do something dumb like drop out of school and quit my job in the same week. WTF was I thinking?!?! That's something I have yet to even begin to repair.

I don't regret getting pregnant, but it might have been nice if I had put a little thought into planning for the baby and related downtime before the last two months of my pregnancy. Again, WTF was I thinking?!?! I was living for the moment rather than in the moment, I guess. Such a pity I didn't see the difference at the time.

I just wish I had someone else to blame for me being such an idiot. I used to blame my parents, but I'm 34 years old, for goodness' sake. I'm pretty sure that every moronic thing I've done for at least the last 10 years has been entirely on my own, without any need for outside influence.

There's not much I can do but pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back in the saddle. I am starting to feel like I can do that, so maybe there is some hope for me yet. I have a couple of subversive friends that have been encouraging me to believe that I deserve to be happy, and I am actually starting to believe that happiness is possible and I might even deserve it too.

That makes it seem as if I am not happy now. I am happy a lot of the time. This is a failing of the language. It doesn't distinguish between transient "feel good now" happiness, and happiness as a state of being. I imagine that "contentment" could be used for the latter, but I hear satisfaction and even complacency in that word, while I am looking for a word to describe a more open, active, and expansive approach to life. I will have to meditate on it, until I know the word I am looking for.

In any case, I think my next constructed language project will make that distinction right from the beginning, and not just for happiness or contentment, but for any emotional state that can become a basic personality trait or way of life.

They call me "Dances With Skillets"

I've been too pregnant and/or too lazy to do much cooking lately. I've made my standard macaroni and cheese a few times, but nothing more complicated than that. Lots of one-skillet-wonders lately-- sloppy joes, omelets, quick fried chicken (boneless, skinless breast cut into small pieces to fry), and so on. Tonight is going to be a leftover night.

Yum! Leftovers! I know there will be some turkey and some spaghetti sauce on the Second Chance Buffet tonight.

I'm craving sweets, so I think I will make some dessert too. I've got some tapioca I could turn into pudding, and a box of cake mix. But I am craving bread pudding, I think. I think we still even have some vanilla ice cream, which would be really good on top of a nice, warm bread pudding.

I hated bread pudding when I was a kid. And custard too. I guess I had to grow up to appreciate egg-heavy desserts.

My husband says that I have a 2-track mind because I'm always thinking about sex or food. I suspect there's some truth in that little jest. I spent much of the day on track 1, and now I'm running down track 2 toward dinnertime.

I may derail for a while, though, since there are a few non-sex, non-food related things I need to take care of. Laundry must be done! But I suppose I could do laundry without thinking about it too much. I could think about having sex in a vat of strawberry jello while I stuff dirty towels and socks into the washing machine.

Mmmm... strawberry.

Music/Sex, and Baby Links

****This first section is probably TMI****

I have come to the conclusion that auditory stimulation is necessary for me to really enjoy sex. I like to *hear* my partner and the various sounds bodies make when intimately engaged. At the same time, having music playing in the same room is a bad, bad thing. It's as if I can only experience one auditory sensation at a time, and the music always wins. Even if it music that I can't stand.

Music is a different sensation, and I forget what I was doing in bed if there's music playing where I can hear it. Heaven forbid there be other people talking where I can hear, or, worse yet, people speaking some interesting and exotic language... Then it is all over.

It might be nice if I had a more talkative partner in bed to help me stay focused on him and what he's doing, but the husband says he doesn't know what to say and he always feels silly saying anything. I mean, with me, he could say just about anything and it would be better than nothing... Oh, well.

****OK, that's enough about my ever-so-personal life****

As I've mentioned before, we're expecting a baby this spring. I've been cruising the web, looking at parenting and baby sites a lot, as a result.

I've got an interest in "babywearing" (i.e. carrying the little critter around), so I have been looking at sites related to that, and related to making the various sorts of carriers myself. Here's a couple of links in that direction: Mamatoto and Rev. Jan's.

I also found a little site on raising bilingual children: bilingualbabies.org, which I guess is a sort of extension of the Multilingual Babies forum over on BabyCenter.

And on a non-baby related note...

I added the latest edition of the Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook to my wishlist over at amazon.com, but until someone decides to buy that for me, allrecipes.com remains my best friend. As far as the cookbook on my wishlist, I've got a 1986 or 87 paperback edition falling apart in my kitchen, and my mom has a much older, much used ringbound edition that I've used from time to time. It's a really good "how do I make regular food" cookbook, in either edition.

I need to go make some dinner now. I am making nachos tonight. Chips, taco meat, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, black olives, sour cream, guacamole, and salsa. Yum.

I'm going to have heartburn sooo bad tonight.

Does this even need a title?

I've been posting occasional updates on my pregnancy over on my OTHER blog. Today, I posted a belly pic from last week and a pic from the ultrasound I had in December.

I've been well distracted lately, trying to work out some things in my head. I'm getting obsessive about one or two things that I have no reason to obsess about... which I won't discuss right here, right now, since they are of a personal, sexual nature.

Count Down to Tenth Anniversary

Counting down to our tenth anniversary!

We got married in 1995. Now it is 2005.

All I can say is that I'd better get an anniversary party this year. I had this idea for a party in mind for several years, but my party planning was thrown to the wind by the pregnancy. Planning for the baby was the easy pick for my top priority. I might have time to throw something together yet. I was thinking maybe something with catering, a DJ, and dancing, but now I am thinking that a nice barbecue at the beach might be more fun, especially for all the kids.

In any case, we both deserve a party for putting up with each other for all these years. Neither of us is particularly easy to live with.

Whine whine

It's a lot easier for me to write when I have been doing something interesting, or when I have things to complain about. I've been thinking about a lot of things, though, and even thinking about writing on those topics. But those are mostly topics best kept to myself, so they won't be here.

It's not that I don't have things to complain about. I just don't have the energy or the inclination to even complain right now. That's sad, isn't it?

I could complain about my son's girlfriend and her mother. I had said that he couldn't go over to her house this weekend, and he certainly couldn't spend the night here. I told the girl's mother this when she stopped by while my son wasn't even home. They left, and came back when they saw my husband get home with my son, and my son ended up going over there. He's been there all weekend, and the more I think about it, the more pissed off I am getting. First of all, the kid is 15. He doesn't need to be spending the night at his girlfriend's house. And his girlfriend is only 13, for goodness' sake.

They aren't getting any kind of supervision over there. My husband dropped by there yesterday to offer my son the opportunity to go to work with him to earn some cash, and the two of them had locked themselves in this girl's room. I think her mother is either stupid, or is hoping that her daughter will get pregnant and end up living with us. For a while there, she had been in the habit of dropping this girl off and leaving her at our house for days with no way to reach her.

Ok, so this is bad, and we should just go get him and put an end to this. I agree. What's really steaming my clams is that I said no, my husband said yes, and then he turned around and blamed ME for the kid being over there.

WTF?!

See, I told you I could find something to complain about.

I am going to have to break out the Bitch-Enforcer costume when my son gets home from work. This crap ends now. First of all, it is just wrong, and it is a sure path to trouble. Second of all, he skipped out on his brother's birthday, and that sucks. And third of all, I told him no. I told her no. Which part of NO is so f'ing hard to understand?!

Afternoon

I seriously need a nap. It's a side effect of being pregnant, I am afraid. I get sleepy in the afternoon. I have some things I need to do before I can take a nap. I have some rented movies to return, mainly. And I should probably make dinner.

I put some salsa on to try to wake me up, but I am afraid the music isn't working. I guess I should just do what I have to do so I can have a little nap and get back down here to do something productive this evening.

Return!

I haven't posted in a long time because we didn't have internet access for a long time, but here I am now. The big news since I last wrote is that I am pregnant. Actually, I was pregnant when I last wrote, but I didn't know it. Our baby is due April 29. It looks like it is going to be a girl. We're very happy. :)

More later... I've got a kid hanging on me, waiting to play games over at cartoonnetwork.com.